My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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