if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
