all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
