he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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