I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
