I wannas sexs uuuuu
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
