the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize