Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
