Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
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everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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