We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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