I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
