I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
