i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
