May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
