If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We talked him into tasing himself.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
