At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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