It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
