My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize