Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
