I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
