just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
