i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
