i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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