he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I need to calm my uterus...
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