Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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