Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
