just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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