The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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