dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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