I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize