I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
