Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
