I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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