I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
