Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
