Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
