Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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