I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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