if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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