The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
