Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
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