Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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