Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think your dad took our porno
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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