dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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