This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
