Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
