Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize