Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
