He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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