Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Randomize
