so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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