I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize