hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
