mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
