Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
