you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
