Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize