lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
