Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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