I just made out with a guy for $7.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
