you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
