I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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