I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
